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Friday, July 30, 2010

New trend in getting hitched : Love-cum-arranged marriage- Biplav Acharya, Republica
Our society still does not have values that prefer love marriage. Instead it prefers arranged marriage.
Love-cum-arranged marriage is a new type of arranged marriage that is speedily getting popularity in Nepal. "Love-cum-arranged marriage is a bridge between arranged and love marriage," says sociologist Prakash Chandra Bhattarai from Koteshwar.
Due to the influence of love marriage in Western countries, people have started to opt for this type of love-cum-arranged marriage in the urban areas.
These days, young girls and boys from their early childhood choose their life partners themselves. They have a love affair and promise to get married. This is the most recent trend now seen in urban areas. Having said that, there are still some families that prefer arranged marriage to love marriage or love-cum-arranged marriage.
However, for the people living in the rural areas, this new trend is not acceptable or even not heard of. They follow their traditional ways when it comes to marriage.
In traditional arranged marriage, it is not essential to marry only the person one loves. One will always have to fall in love with his/her spouse gradually. Parents in earlier days used to force their children for arranged marriage even though they knew that love doesn´t come forcibly to anyone, it just comes naturally.
Spouses chosen by parents had to be married by their children without any complains in traditional arranged marriage. But, in ´modern arranged´ marriage, if the child does not like the partner who is chosen by their parents, the parents usually respect their child´s wishes and look for another partner. However, parents will usually make an attempt to convince their child about the value of understanding. "My parents agreed to search another girl again but they frequently talk about the same girl whom I had rejected before," complains Bikash Rauniyar from Bafal.
In arranged marriages, two unknown individuals start staying together, and try to bond love within them. Only after sometime, they start understanding each other´s needs and become more committed toward their relationship. After that, love may happen but it is not guaranteed. There are some couples who don´t love each other even after years of marriage. Love after marriage starts only when one starts thinking the way his/her partner does. Roni Maharjan, 42, from Patan, says, "I had a divorce with my wife after two years of marriage because we couldn´t establish feelings for each other." Physical attraction comes before the marriage in arranged marriage.
In love marriage, one gets time to know their partner and spends some time together. Marriage takes place only after a long relationship. After falling in love, a couple plans to get married whereas in arranged marriages, one falls in love with their partner only after getting married. It sounds silly to those who don´t believe in the concept of love after marriage.
Binita Rayamajhi, 24, from Baneshwar, says, "To fall in love with someone, you need to spend time with that person, need to understand each other and need to be loyal to each other. There should be commitment and trust in the relation." Only then love marriage will become successful like ours, adds her husband Rahul.
Since love marriages are easily approved by our society, in Kathmandu, these days the concept of love-cum-arranged marriage is getting more and more acceptable. The basic meaning of a love-cum- arranged marriage is that a person chooses their own partner i e has an affair first and then later seek parents´ approval for marriage.
"We had an affair of four years. Then we took permission from our parents to get married. They agreed and organized the marriage in such a way that it looked like an arranged marriage," says Pravina Timilsana, 29, who lives at Satdobato. Her husband Sujim Timalsina is also very happy with his wife.
Parents these days are broad-minded to allow their children to choose their own life partner. Similarly, children are also more mature and they keep the pride of their parents and ask for their permission before taking the decision of marrying the person they are in love with.
"Love-cum-arranged marriage not only brings pleasure and happiness between the couple but also fosters a better relation," says Alok Gurung, 32, from Chabahil. And this kind of marriage also helps to create a good relation between the two families because the entire association is based on mutual understanding and love.

1 comment:

  1. Found this article very good.....
    Great work Biplav ji...